I still can’t believe you are really gone. I can’t believe everything I held so close and so dear has dissolved into thin air, as if it were a dream. Everything I counted on, everything I wished for, everything I held as the structure of my world…you were the base that I stood upon, the home that I returned to, you engulfed the whole of my heart…as if I never lived a moment that didn’t include you.
And now, I’m left to wonder, did ‘we’ ever really exist…was this all just a fantasy in my head? How else do I come to terms with these lost dreams and unresolved love?
I had a bad day yesterday…again realizing how this path continues to move farther away from you and everything we were. The emptiness created when you turned from me is immense, there are times when I feel completely hollow inside, as if I could crack through and through. I tell myself, opening my heart to a new world and a new life will bring peace and healing. I tell myself I am loved and important, I am real…in the lives of family and friends. I tell myself to keep breathing, to keep moving, to keep believing that this too shall pass…But all I feel is everywhere you are not, and every day at some point, I have to remind myself that you are gone.
Silly Girl that I am…
